Sometimes you just have days where you aren’t feeling like yourself. Today is one of those days. Maybe it’s a Sunday thing. The dread of Monday, the dread of going back to school and work, the dread of facing real life again. Weekends are like a mini vacation, but they’re such a tease. They’re so short that you only get a little taste of what a break from real life feels like, and just as you’re starting to really enjoy it, it’s over. I guess I’m feeling a bit of that right now.
Being in my last year of university, with school coming to a permanent end in less than two months, I’m definitely feeling all the emotions. Excitement to move on to the next stage of my life and do something I have a passion for every single day. Dread to start applying for jobs and going through the interview process, which is especially amplified by my anxiety. A sadness to leave this little life I’ve built for myself in my school’s city behind and move back home with my family, losing my independence. But also so much anticipation for that because I’ll get to be back in my home city where my boyfriend is, and after three years I’ll no longer be in a long distance relationship! Mostly I’m just terrified because I’m at the most unknown place in my life I have ever been. I don’t know what the future holds for me. I literally can’t know at this point where I am going to be in two months. And I’m a planner, so that is absolutely frightening for me. Sunday just makes all of these things feel more real, because I’m back to reality tomorrow, which means I’m back to facing the scary things that are ahead. I’m one step closer to the great unknown that lies behind this stage of my life.
I guess from all that you’ve gotten some background information about me. But to reiterate, I’m currently 21 and I’m about to graduate from university. I’m from Canada and I’m a soon-to-be (God willing) web developer. I’ve been with my boyfriend Daniel for three years, and I look forward to nothing more than becoming his wife and starting a family with him. I don’t really have much else to say about myself, being that I don’t necessarily want people to know me or who I am. I just want to have a free space where I can write down my thoughts as they come. A place where I can just let some inspiration lose and feel like I’ve done something at least a little creative when I’m feeling inspired, instead of just letting that feeling fizzle out.
I think it’ll be fun to document my life and memories on here—doing it online is a new thing for me. Documenting my life through pictures and writing is very important to me. I’ve been keeping a journal since I was a kid—my very first one that I still have is from back when I was in grade six. I have a big shoebox in my closet full of all my old journals that I’ve kept over the years. I have a problem with filling them up though. Here’s the thing; I kind of have an obsession with journals, and so when I see one in the store that I like, I’ll just buy it and start writing in it and forget about the journal I was previously writing in. So all the journals in my shoebox are only half full.
But recently I filled my very first journal. Daniel bought it for me when we first met, once he found out about my love for journals. In it I’ve documented practically the entire first two years of our relationship. Starting from the night we first met, to our first kiss, to falling in love with him, becoming his girlfriend, all of our first milestones… and even some hard times too. I think that’s why I was able to fill a journal for the first time, because I am so very attached to that journal. I always go back and read it. The memories in there are some of the happiest moments of my life. And so it’s no wonder I didn’t want to stop writing in it until the very last page.
Also, I thought the photo of the sunrise was fitting for this post. New beginnings.
If you’re out there reading this, thanks. And welcome to my pretty average but also pretty amazing life.