I’m waking up today feeling anxious and sad. I had kind of a dramatic night last night and it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Basically, my roommate’s girlfriend of six years broke up with him yesterday. (Sidenote: He has some mental health issues, he’s on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. I know that he hasn’t been in a good place lately—not sure the reason for that, whether it’s because of his (now ex) girlfriend or unrelated to her—because he never leaves our apartment, he doesn’t go to class ever, he sits on the couch the entire day just playing video games. I rarely ever see him eat either.) So I came out of my room last night and I could hear him in his room talking on the phone, sounding upset. As I was walking to the kitchen, I noticed the table was covered with letters, a scrapbook, what looked like ripped up photographs, and an empty bottle of booze. I didn’t want to go over and snoop, so I wasn’t 100% sure what I was looking at. But when I got back into my room, I could hear him talking on the phone with his dad. He was saying how his girlfriend broke up with him, and he couldn’t believe he wasted six years of his life on her (he’s 21 so he would’ve been 16 when they got together). His dad was clearly worried about his mental state and asked if he was suicidal, and my roommate answered that he honestly thinks about it, but he’d never do it. Then I heard him say that he had to take his dog for a walk. So he puts the dog’s leash on and leaves the apartment, just as it’s starting to rain. That was at 9:30pm.
His walks with the dog usually aren’t extremely long and by 10:30, it was pouring rain so I sent him a text asking if he was okay. I got no response. By midnight I was just really worried, because there isn’t really anywhere to go around here, he has no friends that live close by, it had been pouring rain the whole time he was gone and he had his dog with him so he couldn’t really take shelter inside anywhere. I was really worried about his mental state because of how he sounded when he was leaving the apartment. I was concerned he was going to do something to hurt himself, but I kept telling myself that he wouldn’t do that because he had the dog with him. Being the paranoid over-thinker that I am, I felt like I at least had to do something to make sure he was okay. So I put on my rain boots and went outside to look for him. I walked around for a bit but as a female I got nervous walking around alone late at night in a poorly lit area. So I eventually went back inside when I couldn’t find him and just waited for him to get back.
I ended up getting into bed because I was exhausted from being worried and stressed. Shortly after 1am I heard the door open, so I got out of bed and went to see if he was okay. I didn’t have my contact lenses in at this point so it was really hard to see, but he was bent over in the corner by the front door in a way that looked like he was going to throw up, and he was coughing hard. So my first thought was that he was wasted. I asked him if he was okay and he said “No, I fell asleep in the cornfield” (behind our apartment building). “*&%^ broke up with me.” I told him I knew, I overheard his phone conversation. Then I asked him if he was drunk, and he said yes. Meanwhile, he is just drenched to the bone, his dog is absolutely drenched, they are both covered in mud and the dog is all anxious and worked up, pacing around the apartment tracking mud everywhere. And my roommate takes off his shoes and gets into his bed in his soaking wet clothes. The only thing I could think to do was take the sopping wet leash off the dog, make sure the front door was locked, turn off the lights and go to bed.
I wanted to check to see if he was okay but I’m so out of my element here. I’d be fine pushing for answers and looking out for him and texting/calling him to see if he was okay if we were close, or even friends. But I hardly know him. I connected with him and his girlfriend through my university’s Facebook page, because my old roommate graduated and moved out and I needed someone to live with me and share the rent. So they both lived with me for half the year, then his girlfriend decided to defer school and move to a different province for a few months to snowboard. So it’s just my male roommate and I for the rest of the school year. And sure, we talk in passing out of politeness, but he’s very introverted and I’m at school and work all day so when I come home, I just want to go to my room and be alone and relax. Suffice it to say, we aren’t exactly close. So while I was really concerned about him and I wanted to show him that I was here for him, I really didn’t want to cross any boundaries or overstep. I don’t know him well enough to know if he wants to be left alone or if he needs someone to talk to.
And here I am, having just woken up this morning and I’m dreading leaving my room and facing what he left out there in the apartment. I was thinking I could help him by putting all his ripped up pictures and love letters into a bag, cleaning up the mud on the floor, and throwing out his empty alcohol bottles. Because I have a feeling he’s going to be hungover and he won’t want to leave his room because he’s so devastated. But then I’m thinking, I don’t know what to do about the dog who is covered in mud, and should I take her out to pee so that he doesn’t have to? And then once again, I’m worried I’d be overstepping by touching any of his stuff, and I don’t like taking care of his dog because it doesn’t feel like my place. So I think I’m just going to leave it alone, he can deal with it when he’s ready.
But I know that I have to check to see if he’s okay once he’s awake (if he even comes out of his room). I have this fear of coming home from school and finding that he’s done something to himself. He has no one around here, his family is hours away, I don’t know any of them and I have no way of contacting them, and I’m just super worried something is going to happen. He clearly isn’t handling this well at all.
So we’ll see how to day plays out. I’m hoping he’s in a better place today.